NAME
kwg kill wild goose
SYNOPSIS
kwg [-a assume][-b bull][-f filename][-p physical][-t time][-u user]
DESCRIPTION
For each argument that describes an ostensible issue provided by a user, kwg attempts to return a question further upstream from the stated problem. For example, if a user says they cannot receive e-mail, kwg may return {`can u surf?’} or Boolean 1. If there is no known upstream issue, or insufficient input, kwg returns {stare} or Boolean 0.
OPTIONS
-a assume Assume nature of the problem and tailor questions to exactly this problem. Use sparingly and with caution. If there is no upstream issue or assumption is wrong, returns <u bozo> or Boolean 0.
-b bull Assumes user supplied information is bull and hunts farther and more rudely upstream than in normal mode. May be assigned a number from 1 to 100. The higher the number, the stinkier the bull.
-f filename Might not be filename. May sound like, look like filename, or remind user of contents of file. Actually, it’s probably not the right filename, so don’t even bother with this flag.
-p physical Inspect computer for obvious problems, such as cable unplugged, drink on keyboard, etc.
-t time Returns questions more quickly, but questions are sometimes irrelevant. Helps with users who are impressed by the wrong things. See command dp.
-u user Look for user error (with no argument). Can be used with -a, as in kwg -au. With username, determines likelihood of user error and adjusts questions accordingly.
ENVIRONMENT
$TROUBLESHOOTING
EXAMPLES
Sally claims hard drive crashed, but you see password dialog on screen.
# kwg -b99 -a psswd -u sally
returns progressively from set {<capslock> <numlock> <otherpass> <numskull>} .
SEE ALSO
AUTHOR
The late Yugadmy Pizdovnow (1960 – 1992), who spent the last three years of his life mumbling incoherently about flying pigs.
BUGS
If this command fails to isolate a real cause, it should not be called repeatedly on the same problem without interruption. Abuse of the command can result in hullucinations, paranoia, and hair loss.
CREATED
Somewhere in the beginning of the industrial age.
